You Only Disappear Fandom: Firefly Song/Artist: You Only Disappear by Tom McRae Length: 3:14 minutes
Summary: An alternate universe shipper vid for Mal/Simon. After Simon is killed by Early in Objects In Space, Mal has to live with his memories and regrets for what could have been. Inspired by a beautiful passage from emungere's The Empty Sky. As with most AU vids, a bit of suspension of disbelief is required - especially if you're familiar with the contexts from which the clips are selected. ;)
Taken offline as of 7 Sep 2006. Please let me know if you'd like me to re-upload it temporarily.
Feedback is appreciated. :)
Musings No narrative to speak of, which doesn't usually end well. I tried to make a coherent story and failed, because I suck at AU storytelling. The whole vid, I guess, ended up just being a feeling, a mood, maybe a few garbled metaphors. After discovering that my piece of crap program can - in some respects - be manually manipulated to do keyframey stuff, I promptly went overboard with it here, resulting in lots of melty blurry effects and a shitload of self-indulgence. Not one of my finer efforts.
I've been thinking about people's reactions to death a lot lately, which was another reason why I wanted to make this vid. In particular, I wanted to show the regret part of it - not so much 'generic' regret of wanting to have done or told them something while you still could, but rather the very specific, niggling kind of regret that, if you had done something just a little differently, maybe they'd still be alive. If you had been home to drive them to the hospital. If you told them not to get into that car. Or, if you were strong enough and quick enough to take out the bounty hunter that boarded your ship. And it's the thought of that particular responsibility that can break you from reality and send you into a massive downward spiral. Not sure how well that ultimately came across though.
And the passage that I adore, and keep going back to, and finally decided to use as the basis for a vid:
Floating at Serenity's side, anchored loosely by his grip on the outside of the airlock door, he gets a feeling of time speeded up, of the future to come.
They'll send Simon's body out into the black. Drifting in a cheap casket until some planet's gravitational field picks him up, or a star swallows him whole.
Mal will go on without him, day after day, without seeing his face or feeling the brush of his hand as they pass in the corridor. Without ever seeing his smile again or hearing his voice.
The knowledge slots into place, and all he can feel is... empty. And so damned tired, because in the end it changes nothing.
He still has a job to do. His crew will still need him. Life will continue, and then, someday, it won't.
That's the way it is, and he can't even manage to feel angry about it any more.
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obsessive24) wrote,
calm
